Well, it’s been about 10 days since we got our first ever positive pregnancy test. It was still a very faint line at that point but it had been getting darker every day. At 14 days past ovulation (DPO) I tested with a digital test and it really put some of the doubt to rest at that point, I was pregnant!
The lines continued getting a little bit darker on day 15, but I started to worry. Most people have a test line that is at least as dark as the control line by that time. I felt something was wrong.
To (Continue to) Test or Not to Test
Although I tried not to worry and just stop testing like most sensible people would do, I just couldn’t. Maybe it’s this “sensible” part of it that I’m lacking.
I took a one-day break from testing and felt 10 times worse than when I was still testing. This “not knowing” is just not my kind of style, unfortunately.
By Day 17, the line was back to where it was a couple of days prior. I knew what that meant. The hormone a pregnancy test picks up, hCG, is supposed to double every 48-72 hours. It’s certainly not supposed to decrease. Also, a low initial hCG is generally a good predictor of a non-viable pregnancy. 1,2,3,4
I called my OBGYN who told me not to worry. They said; “a line is a line, no matter how faint”. It’s not a quantitative test (certain value), it’s qualitative (pregnant yes/no). And, my favorite, that maybe “I was off with my ovulation date and not as far along as I thought”. As if die-hard TTC-ers like myself could ever make a mistake like that 😉
Anyway, we knew it was over that day. It was just so f’ing sad because of the beauty of it all. Having been through the whole IVF thing only to conceive naturally just a month after? That would have been a story!
The doctor ordered serial hCG blood draws and it showed that my levels had dropped to 7. Ouch!
No Mouse Embryo
What went wrong? We’ll never know for sure but chances are, the embryo that implanted had chromosomal abnormalities.
They say that 1 in 100 mouse embryos are chromosomally abnormal while seven out of 10 human embryos are abnormal. Sometimes, these “mistake” embryos implant but the body detects something is wrong and stops the development before it progresses. So chances are it’s just that.
Does that make me feel any better? Not really. Why did we have to be part of the wrong side of the 30% chance I talked about in the previous post? Why couldn’t it just work out for once? It kinda reminded me of that old Hank Williams song (that I doubt anyone reading this knows) where he says: “I had a lot of luck but it’s all been bad”. I guess I still feel a bit bitter about the whole situation.
Now, what does this mean in terms of a timeline for Prague? We’ll have to postpone it a few months. The clinic recommends waiting a couple of months and I think that’s probably best.
I do see some of the good in all of this. We’ve gone further than we’ve ever gone before. Who knows, it might happen again. Hopefully without the early loss part. Stranger things have happened, right? At least we got to experience this, even though it was much shorter than we would have liked.
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